Marriage is one of the most profound human relationships, and its importance is recognized not only in cultural and religious traditions but also in contemporary psychological research. Attachment science, pioneered by British psychologist John Bowlby, and expanded by other researchers such as Mary Ainsworth and, more recently, Dr. Sue Johnson, has provided invaluable insights into the emotional bonds that form in intimate relationships. In particular, Dr. Sue Johnson’s work on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has revolutionized how we understand relationships, offering a psychological framework that dovetails with the Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament of love, commitment, and mutual support.
This essay explores the connection between attachment theory, Sue Johnson’s work on EFT, and Catholic teaching on marriage. It highlights how attachment science can enhance our understanding of the spiritual and psychological dimensions of marriage, offering insights into how couples can foster deeper intimacy and emotional security, grounded in the Church’s teachings on love, sacramentality, and the human vocation to communion.
Attachment Theory and the Role of Emotional Bonds
Attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby in the 1950s, suggests that humans are biologically predisposed to form emotional bonds with others—bonds that serve as a source of safety, comfort, and support throughout life. The central premise of attachment theory is that these early bonds, usually with a primary caregiver, shape our emotional development and influence how we relate to others in later relationships. Mary Ainsworth, a key collaborator with Bowlby, expanded this work by observing attachment behaviors in infants, leading to the identification of different attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—that affect how individuals behave in relationships.
In adulthood, attachment theory is particularly useful in understanding romantic relationships and marriage. It explains why we seek out intimate partners to provide emotional security and support. A secure attachment bond in marriage is one in which both partners feel safe, loved, and valued, and it acts as an emotional base from which they can explore the world together, take on challenges, and navigate life’s struggles. On the other hand, insecure attachment (such as anxious or avoidant patterns) can lead to emotional distance, miscommunication, and conflict.
Sue Johnson, a leading figure in contemporary attachment-based psychotherapy, has built on Bowlby’s work with the development of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT emphasizes the importance of emotional responsiveness and seeks to help couples identify and break patterns of negative interaction that prevent emotional bonding. Johnson’s work shows that, much like children, adults need secure attachment to thrive in intimate relationships, and it is this emotional connection that serves as the foundation for a healthy and enduring marriage.
Sue Johnson and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Dr. Sue Johnson’s research and development of EFT have been transformative in understanding how to heal and strengthen relationships. EFT is grounded in attachment theory and posits that emotional responsiveness—the ability to attune to, understand, and respond to a partner’s needs—is critical for fostering secure emotional bonds in marriage. According to Johnson, many couples fall into negative interaction patterns in which one partner may withdraw emotionally (avoidant attachment) or seek constant reassurance (anxious attachment), which disrupts communication and deepens insecurity. EFT helps couples break these cycles by focusing on emotions and the underlying attachment needs, enabling them to re-establish trust and connection.
Johnson’s work emphasizes that marriage is not just a contractual agreement or a partnership of mutual convenience; it is a relationship where each partner longs to feel emotionally safe, loved, and valued. EFT helps couples understand that their emotional responses are signals of deeper attachment needs—needs that, when addressed in a supportive and nonjudgmental way, allow for healing, growth, and deeper intimacy. Couples who learn to communicate more effectively about their feelings, fears, and vulnerabilities often experience greater emotional connection, fostering a more fulfilling and resilient relationship.
Importantly, EFT does not merely focus on emotional validation but also on fostering secure bonds through positive interaction, emotional attunement, and responsiveness. The ultimate goal is to shift the couple’s focus from defending their positions or blaming each other to understanding each other’s emotional needs and responding with empathy and support.
Catholic Teaching on Marriage
Catholic teaching on marriage, rooted in Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition, affirms the dignity, sanctity, and sacramentality of the marital relationship. The Church teaches that marriage is a sacred covenant, a lifelong partnership between a man and a woman, ordered toward both the good of the spouses and the procreation and upbringing of children. Marriage is a sacrament, meaning that it is not merely a human institution but a divine gift, infused with grace to help couples live out their vocation as images of Christ’s love for the Church.
One of the foundational teachings of the Catholic Church on marriage is the concept of **complementarity**—the belief that men and women are created to complement one another in their differences, both biologically and emotionally. This complementarity reflects the image of God, who is both love and communion. Marriage, then, is not simply a union for personal fulfillment but a means by which the couple can reflect the self-giving love of Christ and participate in His redemptive work.
Catholic marriage is also marked by permanence and fidelity, rooted in Jesus’ teaching that “what God has joined together, let no man separate” (Mark 10:9). This unbreakable bond signifies the covenantal nature of the relationship, where love is not contingent on changing emotions or circumstances but is a choice rooted in commitment, sacrifice, and mutual service.
The sacrament of marriage is open to life, meaning that it is ordered toward the procreation of children and the formation of a family. The Church teaches that marital love involves both the unitive (relational) and procreative (life-giving) dimensions. These two purposes of marriage—love and life—are inseparable and mutually supportive.
Connecting Attachment Science, Sue Johnson, and Catholic Marriage
While attachment theory and EFT are rooted in psychological research, they resonate deeply with Catholic teaching on marriage. The Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament of love, fidelity, and communion mirrors the attachment theory’s emphasis on secure emotional bonds, mutual responsiveness, and emotional intimacy. Both perspectives recognize that healthy marriages are built on emotional safety, deep relational connection, and the mutual recognition of one’s inherent worth and dignity.
In EFT, the process of creating secure attachment bonds is very much in harmony with Catholic teachings on the sacramental nature of marriage. Just as EFT emphasizes the importance of emotional responsiveness in creating a secure, loving relationship, the Church teaches that marriage is a dynamic relationship of mutual self-giving, where each spouse responds to the needs of the other with love and sacrifice. The Catholic understanding of marriage as a vocation to love and serve one’s spouse parallels the goals of EFT, which seeks to transform conflict and miscommunication into opportunities for emotional closeness and healing.
Moreover, the Church’s emphasis on permanence in marriage aligns with attachment science’s insight that secure attachment bonds are fostered through stability, consistency, and reliability. In both Catholic theology and attachment theory, the emotional security of a relationship depends on the ability of both partners to trust one another, respond to each other’s needs, and offer unconditional love and support. A Catholic marriage, grounded in prayer, sacrifice, and a commitment to the other, provides the emotional foundation for a secure attachment bond, much like EFT’s focus on developing emotional attunement and responsiveness.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the integration of attachment science, Sue Johnson’s work on Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Catholic teaching on marriage offers a holistic view of marital relationships, one that acknowledges the importance of emotional connection, mutual respect, and sacramental grace. By applying attachment theory and EFT principles, Catholic couples can deepen their emotional bonds and foster a healthy, secure, and resilient marriage. At the same time, Catholic teaching provides a rich theological framework that affirms the dignity of the spouses, the purpose of marriage as a means of reflecting God’s love, and the grace that sustains marital relationships through life’s challenges. Together, these perspectives offer profound insights into the nature of love, intimacy, and commitment in marriage, providing both spiritual and psychological tools for couples seeking to live out the fullness of their vocation.