Having four kids under five years old is a unique, beautiful, and sometimes chaotic experience. From the early mornings full of demands to the never-ending messes and emotional rollercoasters, it can feel like you’re juggling a dozen things at once—and, let’s be honest, you probably are. As a mom of young children, you’re constantly giving, nurturing, and caring, and sometimes it feels like there’s just not enough of you to go around.
But here’s the truth: you’re doing more than enough. The first step to thriving (or at least surviving) in this intense season of life is learning how to set realistic expectations for yourself and practicing compassion along the way.
1. Let Go of Perfectionism
It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure of being the perfect mom. Whether it’s keeping a spotless house, crafting Pinterest-worthy meals, or being a never-tired, always-patient caregiver, the standards we set for ourselves are often unattainable. The reality is that with four little ones under five, there are many days where perfection simply isn’t possible—and that’s okay.
The mess will pile up, the laundry will accumulate, and the tantrums will happen—but these are the growing pains of raising small children. Letting go of perfection means you give yourself the freedom to be human. If the house is messy but the kids are happy, you’re winning. If you don’t have a hot meal every night but everyone is fed and safe, you’re doing an amazing job.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
When you’re a mom of four under five, the number of tasks and responsibilities can feel overwhelming. It’s important to be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day—and to recognize that it’s okay to have days when your to-do list isn’t fully checked off. For example, it might not be realistic to have all four kids dressed, fed, and ready to go at the same time, especially if they’re all at different stages of development. You might need to take it one step at a time: feed the baby, get the toddler dressed, and ask the preschooler to help you with shoes.
Instead of focusing on everything you should do, shift your mindset to what you can do. Celebrate the small wins: maybe it’s getting everyone out of the house without too much drama, or managing to keep the peace during a doctor’s appointment. Little moments of success go a long way in reminding you that you’re doing great.
3. Embrace Flexibility
Children at this age are unpredictable—one moment they’re happily playing, and the next, there’s a meltdown. One child may be sick, while another refuses to nap, or a toddler might suddenly decide that the car seat is the worst place in the world. The key to staying sane in this season is to embrace flexibility.
Understand that things won’t always go according to plan—and that’s okay. Have a rough idea of your day, but be prepared to adjust when needed. For instance, if nap time gets interrupted, maybe you take a quiet moment to rest or read with the kids instead of sticking to your usual routine. Sometimes, the best way to handle chaos is by adapting, rather than fighting it.
4. Take Breaks—Guilt-Free
As a mom of young kids, it’s easy to think you should always be “on,” but that’s not sustainable. Taking breaks—whether it’s a few minutes of quiet time when the kids are napping, a cup of coffee while they play, or even arranging for a short respite away from the house—are essential to recharging your energy.
It’s important to remember that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. When you take care of your own physical, emotional, and mental health, you are better equipped to care for your children. If you’re constantly running on empty, you won’t be able to give them the love and attention they need. So don’t feel guilty for asking for help or taking a moment for yourself—it’s an investment in your ability to be the best mom you can be.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism when you feel like you’re not doing enough or not doing things “right.” But the truth is, being a mom is hard—especially when you’re navigating the demands of multiple young children at once. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, tired, and stretched thin. What’s important is that you’re doing your best, and your best is more than enough.
Practice self-compassion by speaking kindly to yourself. If you made a mistake or lost your patience (which happens to all of us!), don’t beat yourself up. Instead, acknowledge it with kindness: “I did the best I could in that moment. Tomorrow is a new day.” Forgiveness and grace are crucial for maintaining mental and emotional health. After all, no one is perfect, and every mom is doing her best, even on the hard days.
6. Seek Support and Community
You don’t have to do this alone. Having a strong support system, whether it’s your spouse, family, friends, or even an online parenting group, is essential. There’s no shame in asking for help or simply venting to someone who understands. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else “gets it” can make a world of difference.
Remember that it’s okay to ask for a little extra help—whether it’s someone watching the kids while you take a nap, or simply offering a listening ear. Sharing the load can help reduce feelings of isolation and give you the chance to recharge, so you can keep giving to your little ones with a full heart.
7. Celebrate the Chaos
There are days when the house is in complete disarray, your hair is still in a messy bun at 4 p.m., and your patience is stretched thin. But take a moment to appreciate the beauty of this season. The laughter, the snuggles, the milestones—these are the moments you’ll cherish as your kids grow.
Your kids are learning from you every day, not just from your successes but also from the way you handle challenges. They see how you love them despite the chaos, how you remain patient even when you’re tired, and how you give your best, even when your best looks messy.
At the end of the day, what matters most is that you’re present. You’re showing up, day after day, with love and care. And that’s something to be proud of.
Conclusion
Being a mom of four under five is a wild, wonderful journey full of both challenges and blessings. By setting realistic expectations, being flexible, and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate the ups and downs with grace. Remember to take breaks, ask for support, and above all, give yourself grace. You’re not just surviving—you’re thriving, even in the chaos. Keep loving your little ones, and trust that you’re exactly the mom they need.
And when the going gets tough, just remember: you’re doing an amazing job.