In It’s OK to Start with You: A Catholic Approach to Self-Care, Julia Hogan, a licensed therapist and Catholic author, offers a compelling and compassionate guide for Catholics seeking to find balance between self-care and selflessness in their daily lives. The book addresses a significant and often overlooked issue: the tendency among Catholics (and people of faith more broadly) to fall into self-neglect while trying to avoid the pitfalls of self-indulgence. Hogan’s insights are especially relevant for anyone caught in the tension of fulfilling both their spiritual duties and personal needs, with an understanding of how both intersect.
Hogan’s work is a vital contribution to the conversation about mental health, self-care, and spiritual growth in the Catholic context. It explores how, in a faith tradition that emphasizes the importance of sacrifice, service, and putting others first, many Catholics inadvertently neglect their own well-being, believing that self-care is somehow incompatible with a Christ-centered life. Hogan gently, yet firmly, argues that this mindset is not only unhelpful but also unbiblical, offering practical tools and reflections to help readers embrace the importance of self-care without falling into the trap of selfishness.
The Catholic Struggle Between Self-Care and Self-Neglect
One of the book’s central themes is the Catholic tendency toward self-neglect in the name of virtue. Many Catholics—especially parents, caregivers, and those involved in ministry—often overextend themselves, believing that caring for their own needs is somehow selfish or unholy. There is a deeply ingrained cultural mindset in the Church that tends to elevate self-sacrifice to such an extent that it can leave little room for personal care, reflection, or rest. This overemphasis on self-sacrifice, Hogan suggests, can result in emotional exhaustion, burnout, and a diminished ability to love and serve others. It is a misunderstanding of Christian charity, she asserts, to neglect oneself in the name of serving others, as true charity begins with a healthy sense of self-love and care.
In Hogan’s view, there is a fine line between self-indulgence and self-care. While self-indulgence—excessive concern with one’s own pleasure or comfort—is a vice, self-care is an essential practice for maintaining emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Self-care, when done mindfully, allows an individual to care for others more effectively and be a better steward of their vocation. Hogan emphasizes that the Catholic concept of self-denial must be balanced with the understanding that our bodies and minds are gifts from God, deserving of care and attention. Neglecting one’s health, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, does not honor these gifts.
Key Insights and Takeaways from Hogan’s Book
1. Embracing the Dignity of the Body and Mind
One of the most powerful aspects of It’s OK to Start with You is its grounding in the Catholic understanding of human dignity. Hogan draws from Catholic teaching to remind readers that their bodies and minds are temples of the Holy Spirit, deserving of care, respect, and nourishment. This is not a new concept in the Catholic tradition, but Hogan’s approach to applying it to daily life is both practical and refreshing.
She challenges the idea that self-care is selfish or vain by pointing out that the act of caring for ourselves allows us to be more present and available to those around us. The sacrificial nature of the Christian life does not mean that we need to deplete ourselves to the point of exhaustion. Instead, Hogan encourages readers to view self-care as a necessary form of stewardship, not only for their own well-being but also for their ability to serve others.
2. The Role of Boundaries in Self-Care
A major point Hogan makes in the book is that setting boundaries is crucial to maintaining both healthy relationships and personal well-being. Catholics often struggle with saying no—whether to extra responsibilities at church, helping family members, or volunteering for good causes. There is a perception that saying no may mean you are not living up to the Christian ideal of charity, but Hogan challenges that belief.
She discusses how setting boundaries is a form of loving others well, as it protects you from becoming resentful or burned out, which in turn could hurt your ability to help others. She introduces readers to the idea of healthy boundaries—setting limits in relationships, work, and ministry that respect both your needs and the needs of others. Hogan ties this to the teaching of Jesus, who often withdrew to rest and pray, modeling the need for balance between service and self-care.
3. Finding the Balance Between Giving and Receiving
Another key insight from the book is the idea that giving to others—whether through service, ministry, or acts of charity—cannot be sustainable without an intentional practice of receiving. Hogan helps readers understand that receiving care, whether through rest, prayer, or the support of others, is not a sign of weakness but rather part of the cycle of love in relationships. By receiving care, Catholics are honoring the truth that God loves them, and they are also modeling to others that it is acceptable, and even necessary, to care for oneself.
Hogan also touches on the idea of spiritual self-care, which for Catholics includes practices like prayer, mass attendance, and spiritual reading. Taking time for personal spiritual growth is one of the most important aspects of self-care, and Hogan encourages readers to find spiritual practices that nourish them, even in the midst of the busyness of life. This helps cultivate a deep sense of peace and clarity that enables individuals to better serve others.
4. Overcoming the Guilt of Self-Care
A significant challenge that Catholics face is the guilt that can arise when they prioritize their own needs. Hogan acknowledges that many people of faith wrestle with feelings of guilt when they take time for themselves, whether it’s for rest, exercise, or even seeking therapy. She offers practical advice for overcoming this guilt by framing self-care as a form of self-respect, rooted in the belief that we are created by God and entrusted with the gift of our own lives. In a world that often pressures us to be constantly busy, Hogan encourages readers to counteract this guilt by reminding themselves that taking care of their emotional and physical needs is an act of reverence to the Creator.
5. Practical Tools for Self-Care
The book is filled with practical tools for implementing self-care in everyday life. Hogan provides helpful exercises for developing emotional self-awareness, creating self-care routines, and setting intentional boundaries with family, work, and ministry commitments. These exercises are rooted in both psychological theory and Catholic spirituality, making them accessible for anyone seeking a balance between their emotional health and their spiritual duties.
Hogan also offers reflection questions at the end of each chapter, encouraging readers to apply what they have learned to their own lives. These reflections help couples, parents, and individuals create a sustainable, life-giving rhythm that allows them to serve God and others without burning out.
Conclusion: A Compassionate Call to Balance
In It’s OK to Start with You, Julia Hogan offers an important and compassionate message to Catholics: self-care is not self-indulgence, but a necessary part of a faithful life. By embracing both our dignity as children of God and our responsibility to care for ourselves, Catholics can avoid the trap of self-neglect that often arises from trying to be overly sacrificial. Hogan encourages readers to find a balance between giving and receiving, to set healthy boundaries, and to engage in self-care practices that nurture both their bodies and souls.
This book is a must-read for anyone struggling with feelings of guilt about taking care of themselves or for those who feel torn between the demands of life and the need for personal renewal. With practical wisdom, psychological insights, and a strong foundation in Catholic theology, Hogan provides a road map to not only becoming more emotionally and physically healthy but also more spiritually vibrant and capable of serving others from a place of strength and peace.