As parents, guardians, or educators, navigating the conversation about sex with teens can often feel overwhelming, awkward, or uncomfortable. Yet, it is one of the most important conversations we can have to ensure that teens grow up with a healthy, respectful understanding of their bodies, relationships, and sexuality. In her book, Talking About Sex with Teens: A Catholic Parent’s Guide, Julia Sadusky offers a refreshing, compassionate, and faith-centered approach to discussing sex with teens.
Julia Sadusky is a Catholic psychologist interested in helping children, adolescents, and families work through the complexities around sex and gender in our culture. She recently published a two volume guide to help Catholic parents navigate “the talk” and start talking with their children and teens about sex. So far, I have read her guide for talking with teens and found it informative and helpful. She goes through different topics, offering sample scripts, to help parents respond to certain questions or topics with grace. If you’re looking for a guide to address matters of sexuality and get ahead of the culture in forming your children or teens, check out her books. Sadusky provides practical tools, grounded in Catholic teaching, that help parents approach these delicate topics in ways that uphold the dignity of the adolescent while fostering a sense of trust, openness, and respect.
Sadusky’s approach emphasizes the need for honesty, age-appropriate discussions, and the role of Catholic values in guiding conversations around sexuality, all while creating a safe and loving environment for teens to appropriately explore and understand these topics. Below is a summary of her key insights on talking about sex with teens, with a particular focus on her integration of Catholic theology, human dignity, and development.
1. Honesty and Age-Appropriateness
Sadusky’s first piece of advice is that parents must be honest with their teen about sex, but in a way that is age-appropriate and respectful of the teen’s developmental stage. This requires a balance of offering enough information to satisfy a child’s curiosity, while not overwhelming them with details that may be too complex or unnecessary at their particular age.
Sadusky highlights the importance of gradual conversations, building a foundation of understanding over time. Parents are encouraged to engage in ongoing dialogue rather than having one “big talk,” which can often feel too intense for teens and maybe even too late for effective learning. Honesty does not mean overwhelming a teen with adult-level discussions about sex; it means answering questions with truth, respect, and clarity at each stage of development.
Sadusky also stresses the importance of active listening, ensuring that parents pay attention to their teen’s tone and body language in response to these discussions, which can provide valuable cues about when to expand or limit the information being shared.
2. Framing Sex Within the Context of Catholic Teaching on Human Dignity
Sadusky does an excellent job of situating the conversation about sex within the broader context of Catholic teaching on human dignity. In a culture where sexuality is often commodified or distorted, the Catholic view offers a unique lens through which to discuss sex—one that upholds human dignity, respect, and the sacredness of the body.
According to Catholic teaching, the body is not a mere instrument or object; it is created by God and meant to be respected. Sadusky emphasizes that sex is not something to be ashamed of, but rather something beautiful and sacred when understood within the context of God’s plan for marriage and family life. She teaches parents to emphasize to teens that the gift of sexuality is meant to bring couples closer to one another, reflect God’s love, and ultimately be an expression of self-giving love within the context of marriage. This view aligns with the Church’s teachings on the sacramentality of marriage and the sacred purpose of human sexuality, as taught in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Sadusky advises focusing on the idea that love and respect are the foundation of any relationship, and that sex is a beautiful and unifying act meant to express this love between spouses. By framing the conversation in terms of sacrifice, commitment, and selflessness, Catholic parents can present a wholesome, positive understanding of sex rather than one defined by confusion, shame, or misunderstanding.
3. Teaching Boundaries and Respect for the Body
A key aspect of Sadusky’s guide is the importance of teaching teens about boundaries—not just in terms of protecting them from harm, but also as a way of understanding respect for their own bodies and the bodies of others. Teaching consent and personal boundaries are essential in a world where teens are likely to be exposed to inappropriate content or behavior.
Sadusky highlights the need to teach teens that their bodies are their own and should be treated with reverence. She encourages parents to use conversations about body parts and sex to instill a sense of bodily autonomy and the importance of respecting others’ boundaries. These lessons are not only crucial for safeguarding teens from potential abuse but also for creating a healthy attitude toward the body that aligns with Catholic teaching about the dignity of the person. Sadusky advises that parents focus on the good present, rather than strictly on the potential dangers.
Sadusky explains that while it’s important to protect teens from inappropriate sexual content or experiences, it’s equally important to instill in them a positive sense of their own worth and self-respect. Teaching teens that their bodies are sacred and meant for something much greater than momentary pleasure is at the heart of Catholic teaching on human sexuality. This view protects them from a culture that may teach them to objectify themselves or others, helping them develop a sense of personal integrity and self-esteem as they grow into adolescence and adulthood.
4. Fostering Healthy Communication and Curiosity
One of the strongest themes in the book is the idea that parents must encourage open communication and help teens feel comfortable asking questions about their bodies, relationships, and sexuality. This builds trust and ensures that teens don’t first turn to peers, media, or other sources for information that could distort their understanding.
Sadusky stresses the need to normalize conversations about sex and body issues, particularly in Catholic households where such topics can often feel taboo. She provides practical advice for making the conversation non-judgmental and non-shaming, ensuring that teens feel free to approach their parents when they have questions. For example, if a teen expresses confusion or curiosity about sex or gender, Sadusky encourages parents to respond calmly, offering relevant, age-appropriate information while keeping the lines of communication open for future questions.
In the Catholic context, the goal is to foster a healthy curiosity about the world and about the body, while directing teen’s attention to God’s plan for their lives and bodies. Sadusky suggests that by framing discussions of sexuality within the context of God’s love and the Church’s moral teachings, parents can help teens grow in both knowledge and virtue.
Conclusion: A Path to Healthy Sexuality
Julia Sadusky’s Talking About Sex with Teens: A Catholic Parent’s Guide is a valuable resource for parents who want to raise teens with a healthy understanding of their bodies, sexuality, and relationships in accordance with Catholic teaching. By approaching these conversations with honesty, compassion, and age-appropriate insights, parents can help teens understand the sacredness of their bodies, respect the dignity of others, and cultivate healthy relationships built on love, trust, and virtue.
Ultimately, Sadusky’s guide emphasizes that healthy conversations about sex are not about imposing fear or shame but about cultivating a sense of dignity, respect, and love for oneself and others. This approach aligns deeply with the Catholic vision of sexuality, which understands human sexuality not merely as a physical act but as a reflection of God’s love and plan for humanity. In this way, Sadusky empowers parents to engage in these difficult but essential conversations with confidence and grace, helping to form teens who not only understand their own worth but also the value of healthy, virtuous relationships throughout their lives.