So, it’s been a bit since I’ve posted. We’ve been a little busy around here! We just welcomed twin girls into the world last week and are preparing to move houses next month.
Honest moment: the postpartum period is always a little tricky for me. When I get stressed, I can lean heavily into the rules and ruminate. I worry about getting the whole mom thing right, whether or not I’m trying hard enough, and whether or not I am giving enough of myself.
So naturally, as expected, I had one of those moments. I was fretting over being an hour late to a pumping session, thinking I had undermined all of my previous efforts and completely tanked my supply… and the Lord spoke into that moment.
For a few months now I have gotten into the habit of listening to the daily readings paired with daily homilies on Hallow. 10/10 would recommend!
That day I had not yet listened. When I finally got around to it, I received a powerful consolation. The first reading was from the letter of Timothy and was all about the importance of perseverance. The Gospel was the story of the widow who gave all that she had. Fr. John Burns’ homily spoke to the challenge of giving the Lord our first fruits, not from excess but from deficit, and the importance of trusting that the if we give Him all that we have, He will provide us with all that we need.
I have experienced this to be true over and over and over again, yet I forget… and need reminding. Ah, the human condition 🤦♀️. As soon as I heard it, the fear of not being enough melted away and my mind fell back into its normal peaceful state. I am so thankful!
But I had another thought, about rules, which is what prompted me to start writing at 1:45am.
I work with a lot of people who struggle with obsessive compulsive personality traits. They tend to rely on structure and following the rules as a metric for being good enough. As long as they are following the rules, they will be safe. (Yes, I can personally relate to these particular struggles!) My question for them often becomes: are the rules really protecting you from sin or failure? or are they enslaving you to self-protection?
Often the answer is a bit of both!
If this sounds familiar, I want to share that there is a way out of this pressured way of being. I know this on both a personal and professional level – I have experienced it firsthand and walked many people through it. First, you have to take a really scary step and let yourself not be enough, let yourself mess it all up, let yourself be wrong, fail, and maybe even break the rules. 😬.
In Scripture, I think of the times Jesus broke out of the Pharisees expectations. He purposefully bent the rules – performing works and miracles on the Sabbath. Why? To teach the people that the rules are meant to be a guide for holiness, but should never come between the person and higher order priorities.
Am I suggesting leniency and laxity? No! But I am saying that when following the rules becomes such a pressured experience that it pulls you away from being present and fosters paralyzing inflexibility, things might be out of balance!
This brings me back to Martha and Mary. If you haven’t seen the way The Chosen depicts this scene, I highly recommend a watch. Martha is anxious. It is not that her acts of service are bad or wrong. Of course hospitality is a good thing, meals often need to be prepared, housework needs to be done. It’s Martha’s attitude. She is so focused on things being a certain way that she takes it on all by herself and misses the opportunity to be present to those around her. She does not ask for help and then she becomes resentful of having to do it alone. She gets angry with the people she believes /should/ be helping her achieve what she believes is the priority. These priorities become so central that she cannot put them down, even to be with God!
In the scene in The Chosen, which is – as they all are – elaborated upon – Jesus affirms Martha’s hospitality, but then challenges her. He points out that she is trying to impose her priorities on her sister and is missing something vital.
I once heard a homily on this reading that struck me. The priest pointed out that it was not the busy work that was Martha’s issue. It was that she gave herself work to do instead of receiving and relying on the Lord to guide her priorities and being receptive.
Children have taught me to let myself be interrupted. Have you ever interrupted someone and been met with irritation? It hurts! You already feel awkward about imposing and then the person makes it clear that you are! Have you ever been received in such a moment? It is so different, and such an act of kindness to allow oneself to be interrupted.
Often times, the Lord is simply asking us to be receptive to His plans for us, rather than being attached to our own agendas and goals. This way of being fosters an openness to the present moment that genuinely brings about peace and eliminates so much of the self-imposed pressure that can come with overly investing in our own plans.